Effeminate gay men

Out of the gay men surveyed, a staggering 71 per cent said that they had been actively turned off by a prospective partner because they had shown signs of femininity. For years I was so ashamed of my own feminine qualities, that when on dates I would say very little or speak quietly because I was worried my voice would give me away.

Even now, I find myself trying and failing to butch myself up when surrounded by extended family members, or straight men I am unfamiliar with. But the effect of constantly being fed the message that femme equals bad is hard to ignore.

Is Effeminacy in Gay Men a Function of Nature or Nurture?

Unsettling, considering I am gay. I am not completely shielded from it even when off hookup apps like Grindr. A quick flick through my explore page on Instagram shows groups of carbon-copy muscular, hairy, tattooed groups of often scantily clad men out in da club or partying on Fire Island.

All of whom have been open before about their struggle with dating. Thanks to unashamedly feminine gay men like my hero RuPaulI have come to realise that being effeminate is not something to hide. Rather than just being a sassy sidekick who will wave their finger in your face while flicking their imaginary wig, I can still be strong, weak, funny and intelligent — just like every other complex human being.

You are gay. Find your creative community.