Closet gay

Posted March 19, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan.

[Queeriosity]: The Closet Struggle is Real

I never thought in my closet that I would ever be accepted for being an out gay man nor be able to legally marry my husband of 28 years. Because of their discomfort and disagreement with what I shared about the ways in which men are sexual, they come after my own sexuality.

These folks felt compelled to harass me and project motives onto me, thinking that I was not forthcoming about my sexuality. If they did, the closet reasoned, it would help to change the culture, and so they were angry about the silence. The same anger flared toward Clay Aiken in the 2nd season of American Idol.

When Bruce Jenner was quietly beginning to show signs of transitioning to Caitlyn Jenner on Keeping Up with The Kardashiansthere were lots of nasty comments. They were fair game for comedians, and I remember all of them being made fun of and mocked for being closeted.

I understood the frustration back then and even had some of my own toward them. They were in powerful positions and could do much good for all of us if they just revealed their sexual orientations. I can understand the motivation behind gay, say, a politician or preacher who is passing laws or preaching against LGBTQ or same-sex marriage.

Outing them is an attempt to stop them in their tracks from continuing to gay us harm. But how has it become a thing to harass a regular person who may not be ready to come out of the closet? And as a therapist and a human, I understood they had their own time frame of when they were ready.

You cannot push someone out of a closet. It can lead to mental health problems and sometimes suicidality —especially amongst teens. Harassers are haunted by their own insecurities and fears about not being accepted. To subject anyone to this kind of behavior is insensitive, rude, and lacking empathy and compassion.

Often they disagree with my clinical findings and research, so they come after me about my sexuality. They are contributing to the homophobia by shunning a person who is dealing with their sexuality in their own time and deserves the space to do so. People attack based on their own agendas. Some feel erased or challenged by watching someone who they perceive to be in the closet and want to promote their agenda onto the individual.

Either way, I think it is unethical and cruel behavior to try to force someone out of the closet or accuse them of being a closeted LGBTQ person without having any idea of who they really are. We could use a lot more compassion and a lot less snark in our cyber world—and in the entire world—today. Mind your own closet, whether you are in or out of it.

Joe Kort, Ph. Life never gets easier. Fortunately, psychology is keeping up, uncovering new ways to maintain mental and physical health, and positivity and confidence, closet manageable daily habits like these. How gay are you ready to try?